Group discussion in SL 2nd in class

(1) the dialogue
[20:43] Phoebe Isenia: i haven't finished my article
[20:43] Phoebe Isenia: i just made a pause becoz it's 200 words already
[20:43] Phoebe Isenia: as a result i haven't had a complete conclusion
[20:44] JTA Karsin: sorry
[20:45] Aleli Damiano is Offline
[20:45] ko525252 Shelter: yes?
[20:45] Charlotte Mohegan: I think you have to delete some words or that will more than 200 words
[20:45] ko525252 Shelter: that's OK~
[20:46] ko525252 Shelter: yes~
[20:46] Charlotte Mohegan: to let it more briefly
[20:46] Charlotte Mohegan: but it's a tough task to introduce something else
[20:46] Phoebe Isenia: so our news story can't be more than 200 words?
[20:46] ko525252 Shelter: I recommend to end with some kind of question~
[20:47] ko525252 Shelter: or something that would shock the readers
[20:47] Roxanne Kristan: minium of 200
[20:47] Charlotte Mohegan: oh sorry the minimum is 200words
[20:47] Charlotte Mohegan: yes so it's ok
[20:47] ko525252 Shelter: OH MY
[20:47] Phoebe Isenia: oh i see
[20:47] Charlotte Mohegan: yeah
[20:47] ko525252 Shelter: yes~
[20:47] Phoebe Isenia: oh really?
[20:47] Phoebe Isenia: so i can write more?
[20:47] Phoebe Isenia: okay~
[20:48] Charlotte Mohegan: I think you can add the importance of having this tradition
[20:48] ko525252 Shelter: perhaps u can add some Avatar factor~
[20:48] Phoebe Isenia: i'll add some more description about the tradition and taboos of Tao people
[20:48] Charlotte Mohegan: from Taiwan's perspective or from other tribes's view
[20:48] Charlotte Mohegan: cool!!!
[20:48] Phoebe Isenia: what does Avatar factor mean?
[20:48] Charlotte Mohegan: you can compare tow of them
[20:49] ko525252 Shelter: like their environment gets polluted and that this tradition is endangered
[20:49] Charlotte Mohegan: two*
[20:49] ko525252 Shelter: something like that~
[20:49] Phoebe Isenia: oh~ i see
[20:49] Charlotte Mohegan: they both live with nature with great respect
[20:49] ko525252 Shelter: yes~
[20:49] Phoebe Isenia: but that will divert from my news?
[20:49] Charlotte Mohegan: and it not only happen in movie but reality
[20:49] Phoebe Isenia: cause what i focus is the splendid culture of tao tribe
[20:50] Phoebe Isenia: if i add some environmental issues such as you mention
[20:50] Phoebe Isenia: that will be another long article
[20:50] Judy Meiler is Offline
[20:50] ko525252 Shelter: perhaps u can just mention that on the side
[20:50] Meimeiryo Littlebird is Offline
[20:50] Phoebe Isenia: ok~ that's a good idea~ thank you
[20:51] Charlotte Mohegan: or you can only mention aobut the sameness of them
[20:51] ko525252 Shelter: thanks~
[20:51] Phoebe Isenia: what sameness?
[20:51] Charlotte Mohegan: I already said before
[20:51] Phoebe Isenia: sorry i miss it
[20:52] Charlotte Mohegan: hey both live with nature with great respect
[20:52] Charlotte Mohegan: it;s ok
[20:52] ko525252 Shelter: u can draw a parallel with the film
[20:52] Phoebe Isenia: oh... but i'm afraid that my news story would become a topic such as the Acatar project in taiwan
[20:52] Phoebe Isenia: Avatar*
[20:53] Charlotte Mohegan: I think maybe people are know more about Avatar rather Tao
[20:53] Phoebe Isenia: haha
[20:53] Phoebe Isenia: okay
[20:53] Charlotte Mohegan: so you can let them have a more vivid imagination
[20:53] ko525252 Shelter: perhaps u can describe the tribe as "the avatae of TW"
[20:53] Phoebe Isenia: yes that's a helpful suggestion
[20:53] Phoebe Isenia: hahaha
[20:54] Phoebe Isenia: alright
[20:54] ko525252 Shelter: so that it would draw people in
[20:54] Phoebe Isenia: anything else?
[20:54] Roxanne Kristan: and add some pictures
[20:54] Phoebe Isenia: thank you so much
[20:54] ko525252 Shelter: good idea!!


(2) a summary of the reader’s and the editor's SUGGESTED REVISIONS
The editor and the reader suggest the writer to add some factors of the movie “Avatar” into the article. There are some similarities of both, for example, they respect nature a lot, and protect the environment as much as they can do. By comparing the Tao tribe and Avatar together, readers will be more interested in the issue. After all, people are more familiar with Avatar than Tao tribe.
(3) a brief comment on the entire article with respect to organization, length, logic, and style.
The organizer suggests that in the end of the article, the writer could raise a constructive and reflective question to readers. This may impress the readers and make the article even more meaningful. Besides, they also encourage the writer to write something more specific to introduce the culture and traditions of the Tao tribe. Because in the article, it seems that the writer only mentions the vague importance of Tao culture without details. If the writer could add some vivid pictures and traditions of Tao tribe, then the article will be more interesting.